Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
