yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just tell him i said nine months
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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