i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
