Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
how can u be prego again
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
