i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize