guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
