She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
