Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
