there's paper in my vomit.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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