i used baking grease as lip gloss
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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