yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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