Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
