Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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