He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
