lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
