I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
