how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
