what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize