Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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