im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
