I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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