you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
