I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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