I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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