At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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