So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
