have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
