Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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