Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
