barbara walters just said penis...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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