I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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