I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
