Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
