At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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