I'm so fucking centered right now
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
