There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
