someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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