Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
