Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
