he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
