you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
