I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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