I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This gyro tastes like lonliness
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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