thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Boobs speak an international language.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
