dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
