You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
