don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize