You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
