Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
