Me too!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
don't judge my taste in strippers
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
