so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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