this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
