Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
