I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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