So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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