I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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