a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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