I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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