So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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