i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
