am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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