So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
