The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You need Xanax blowdarts
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
