listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
