The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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