She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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