kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
