i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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