he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my vag is so smooth its legendary
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We have started to decorate penises.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
